Monday, August 30, 2010

Some Guy's Story

This is my most recent attempt at a monologue, I am learning with each one but I think this one sounds OK, tell me what you think... I will perform it on my youtube page so you can get a real feel for it.

I am sorry. I am sorry that I am not the man you thought I was, not the man I pretended to be. I have this thing where I have to try to be the perfect man. Not because I want to be but I have to be the best possible candidate for you, well for any woman, Maybe its some kind of inferiority complex, maybe its because all the ones that "got away" destroyed my hopes of ever finding a "soul mate". True Love, It all seems like romanticized bull shit when you're getting shot down because you are "too nice" or "such a good friend".

I don’t know, I just need for you to think that I am worthy of you, that there is a reason to want me. Women come with so many prerequisites and red tape that it was not enough to be me, so I become whatever she wants me to be. I spent years figuring out how to be "that guy" and I got really good at it and after a while that was all that mattered, All I cared about was how to get "her". I don't even stop to see if I really even want her, just do whatever it takes to get the girl to pick me.

I mean she didn't mind feeling special and part of me just liked to make her feel that way because, well I could. But then we get to this point, or I get to this point and am ready to capture the next one.

I make excuses for myself saying that I am not good enough for her and she will find someone better, I never stopped to think about if she wanted to… I can't because every thing in me tells me I am wrong for feeling this way.

Karma is gonna get me back for breaking her heart, she was a nice girl. But instead I just find a new one, and she makes me forget. I see the next pretty smile, or nice ass, or whatever , and I forget. The chase starts again and I say all the right things and I convince myself I am head over heels, when I am really just taking a breath. So I am sorry, but I have to go, again.


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