Some Guy's Story

This is my most recent attempt at a monologue, I am learning with each one but I think this one sounds OK, tell me what you think... I will perform it on my youtube page so you can get a real feel for it.

I am sorry. I am sorry that I am not the man you thought I was, not the man I pretended to be. I have this thing where I have to try to be the perfect man. Not because I want to be but I have to be the best possible candidate for you, well for any woman, Maybe its some kind of inferiority complex, maybe its because all the ones that "got away" destroyed my hopes of ever finding a "soul mate". True Love, It all seems like romanticized bull shit when you're getting shot down because you are "too nice" or "such a good friend".

I don’t know, I just need for you to think that I am worthy of you, that there is a reason to want me. Women come with so many prerequisites and red tape that it was not enough to be me, so I become whatever she wants me to be. I spent years figuring out how to be "that guy" and I got really good at it and after a while that was all that mattered, All I cared about was how to get "her". I don't even stop to see if I really even want her, just do whatever it takes to get the girl to pick me.

I mean she didn't mind feeling special and part of me just liked to make her feel that way because, well I could. But then we get to this point, or I get to this point and am ready to capture the next one.

I make excuses for myself saying that I am not good enough for her and she will find someone better, I never stopped to think about if she wanted to… I can't because every thing in me tells me I am wrong for feeling this way.

Karma is gonna get me back for breaking her heart, she was a nice girl. But instead I just find a new one, and she makes me forget. I see the next pretty smile, or nice ass, or whatever , and I forget. The chase starts again and I say all the right things and I convince myself I am head over heels, when I am really just taking a breath. So I am sorry, but I have to go, again.

FML

It is extremely difficult for me to write this because once it escapes my mind it is true, and the truth, in this case, hurts.

I am on the verge of being Evicted from my apartment. I have about 28$ in my bank accounts (checking and saving) and most of it is my fault. I have been able to do things by sheer will and determination on several occasions in my life. I HATE not being in some type of control and waiting to hear back from multiple positions is woefully difficult for me. I have been raised with the philosophy of doing the right thing gets rewarded and money will come. That you should do things for the people you care about. Unfortunately, you just can't do everything you want with out sacrifice. My mistake was what I chose to give up. I sacrificed rent money, to appease her. I sacrificed financial stability to appease her, and some logic just to appease her.

What is hard to swallow is the fact that no matter how much I rationalized my decisions, some were just plain wrong. Crunching numbers, counting on empty promises, and assumptions are my downfall. Unfortunately for me, It bit me back in a bad way.

Not a failure, just a chance to prove I can overcome.

--LIFE

Wait Til I Get My Money Right...

BEING BROKE SUCKS.

Now that we have that fundamental truth out of the way I can begin this rant. It all started after I graduated from College back in 2008. I was full of hope and promise. Despite the fact that the economy was in the worst position I had ever seen in all my 21 years of living. But I didn't care. No job, who cares I will work at school, Living at home with mom-- So, I will just stay on Campus. I was pretty carefree at the time making enough money to get by, and taking a break from well the life I normally lead. You know, the one with responsibilities and goals and aspirations.

Well it was all good until last year and I had to get my own place, which meant I had to get a REAL job. here is a simple equation for you:

Recession+Real Job= Fallacy

So I ended up finding 3 part time positions and busting my ass like ::racially insensitive statement ahead:: the jamacians on In Living Color. It was rough and I ended up being paid alot less than what they tell you I am supposed to get for having a Bachelor's Degree. Ah but it was enough to get a place!

So me and my RL GF (lol I just think its funny to have to put RL on the front of it) move in to our very own place.

Everything is all sugar and rainbows right, WRONG. I am still not making enough money so now I am almost late on rent every month. What pisses me off is that I can't seem to get ahead. I have a multitude of job offers come up, and fall through but the summer is the worst because there is NO MONEY out there. I won't be out on the street don't worry (I know your concerned). But I will be BROKE until Sept. when the School Year starts and I can get back to making some actual income.

HERE WE GO...............................................

STOP BSing

I have no reason to procrastinate. I am almost 25 and no where near where I want to be at this stage in my life. Seems like just yesterday I was watching those commercials for Auditions for the next "All That" cast member thinking, I could do that....
I am kicking it into high gear, starting now. People are depending on me to do something BIG, and I cant do that thinking small. So this Blog, Twitter, Facebook, and YouTube will start seeing my videos and ideas on a regular basis until I have really gained some steam and a name on this neighborhood called the World Wide Web...

FULL STEAM AHEAD!

NEXT STOP, fool ain't no stops on this train, only one destination... GREATNESS!

Quote Coincidence...

So today I wake up and get online to check my emails and social networks. After sending out a good 8 emails over the last week, to current and future employers, I found that only one of them has responded. "You Know What Really GRINDS MY GEARS" not responding to emails.

ex. You write a masterpiece cover letter, resume is all new and shiny, your references practically compare you to a combination of Bill Gates, Oprah, and Jesus. BUT the next day... nothing. no reply saying we received your email, and not just the next day, the whole week. It can be discouraging to say the least.

HOWEVER

My message today is not a message of grief, but of greatness. I say a post from a friend today saying don't take anything personal. At first I accepted it as sound advice, but when challenged it doesn't always serve you well. Now the way I see it, if we never let anything get to us, never under our skin, then its never really as important as we say it is. If someones actions spark a personal response and its not addressed, you have no one to blame but yourself when that action happens again. We have trained ourselves not to take it personal for fear of being I dunno human. I know somethings we just misinterpret, but the solution comes in clarification not dismissal.

My position was supported not seconds after I read the Tweet, because Kevin Hart's quote of the day was the classic "your attitude determines your altitude".

I thought to myself if your attitude is complacent, your position in the situation will match it. I thought about how I never really do 100%, above and beyond unless I did take what I was doing personal. What I do and accept are reflections of who I am and where I am in life.

If I don't show you what I want, can I really say I want it? So I am going to do everything in my power to be acknowledged by these employers, and let it get to me until something happens, so I remember just how bad I want these jobs.

If I don't act, it won't change... and sometimes things being personal are the way we guarantee that we act...I think anyways...

So I guess what I am saying is take the important stuff VERY personal, cause no one else will if you don't.

OVER 9000

I feel like I just broke Vegeta's scanner and am about to go Super Sayian for the first time. I finally feel like I can see the door slightly cracked leading to my future and it feels...AWESOME.

Today we met a new associate Walt Cart who invited us onboard his small gaming project! I am obviously, somewhat giddy at the thought of finally working on a dream I have had since High School. If anyone needed a little boost of inspiration today, let my good fortune be your 5 hr energy shot!

Today I will start training myself, and I do mean training. The dedication it is going to take to be successful in this field is enormous and so I am changing my schedule up and 'putting in work'.

so BOOM here comes the ::BOOM:: ready or not...

Making Our Dreams come true

SO today is the first day of the rest of my life!

I know its as cliche as they come but seriously today begins a new chapter for me. Join me on this roller coaster of adventure as your Main Character and Leading Lady work to become the essence of Awesomeness.

THE DREAM

My ultimate goal: to open my own entertainment company.

Her Dream: Become a Senior Character Artist for Disney.

HOW

Well after taking 4 part-time jobs to make ends meat we stumbled across a Gaming studio that has the personality we think is necessary for our randomness!

I have also found an employer willing to give me that promotion that will allow me to spend more time on my craft.

Ideally these guys will interview my Lady and she will instantly be hired as a Character Artist for their upcoming game, then I can do voice acting for them, yadda, yadda, yadda insert fame and fortune the end.?.

But for now we are going to work our @$$e$ off Rocky-IV-montage-style, until the dream is a reality!!!!!!

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